Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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