Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
