dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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