I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
