get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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