"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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