after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I want a musical about memes.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
