I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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