I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
