my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
