Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
