I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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