Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize