apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize