she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
