It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
