There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
