2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize