I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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