turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
