Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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