addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
