I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize