Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
