Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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