alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is my gift to your gina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
