there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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