just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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