my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
