p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
