what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
