I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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