Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my shit smells like andre
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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