i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
