just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
