I'm so fucking centered right now
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
