Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize