i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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