I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to rekindle our bromance
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
