Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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