I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
