Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this boner is exhausting
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
