you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
