...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize