Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
