wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
