I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
