Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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