I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
