I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
