Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
