Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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