You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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