if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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