I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
