Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
