Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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