he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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