This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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