Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
