The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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