she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
