The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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