I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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