he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
