My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize