Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
