I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
