you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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