I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
