Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
organizing the empties. That sober.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm both gender and math confused
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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