she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
