Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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