I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
