he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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