Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
