TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
