so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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